Cat’s Eye Jam
(thanks to Angela Sunde)
Two little witches made some jam for everybody to eat.
They made it big, they made it yummy, they made it super sweet.
They put it in a rickerty cart, drawn by a cranky ox,
Poorly steered to the markets, by a wily old fox.
They spread it on some bread, freshly baked, smelling nice,
“Come one, come all!” the first witch said. “Everybody have a slice!”
One-by-one people appeared, from all across the land.
A circus clown, some little boys, a cow, a fisherman.
“This is going to be the best fun ever,” whispered the first little witch.
“I can hardly wait!” said the other, in the most excited, highest pitch.
Soon many in the village started releasing a squeaky little noise,
As if something big was brewing in all the girls and boys.
The school teacher and shop owner kept letting off little pops,
That were anything but nice, indeed, smelt like rotting socks.
“Hang on to your hat!” said the first witch. “Be ready, here we go…!”
And BLAT! everybody let out a fart so big, it curled all of their toes!
(Hats flew in the air!)
(People could not stay on the ground.)
(Animals ran out)
(The dead, holding their noses, blown out of the ground)
Some kids stuck to ceilings, others got quite sick.
They had been fed Cat’s Eye Jam, a very nasty trick!
The little witches rolled around, laughing until it hurt.
“I’ve never had so much fun!” one cried! “Me either!” the other blurt.
Only Big Ol’ Marge had not eaten a scrap of Cat’s Eye Jam.
She’d been busy sheering sheep, as only wool farmers can.
Marge came into the village, to see what all the fuss was about.
People whizzed and flew. “Someone will pay!” they did shout.
She found the little witches, chuckling like a pair of louse,
And swept them up the hill, into an outdoor dunny house!
“I don’t care, it was worth it!” the first little witch said.
“Revenge, revenge!” laughed the second one, as she tumbled toe-to-head.
Then Big Ol’ Marge went back to town, to see how she could help,
clean up the mess caused when a little girl only thinks of herself.
These days the village is back to normal, well, as normal as a village can be,
But if you listen close,
on still nights,
you’ll hear two cheeky little witches,
still giggling with glee…!
(Outdoor toilet in moonlight, little ‘tee-hee’s coming from it.)