(Opening page, no words. Kid 1 in tiger onesie, and Kid 2 jumping up and down, stomping toys. As with almost the entire book, white background.)
Dad always jokes I’m a “Little monster!”
What if that was true?
(Kid 1, in tiger costume, half way through big stomp, stopping to think. Kid 2 looking at him.)
And, if so,
(Husband and wife monsters holding each other, pouting, as Dad takes baby away.)
what does my real Dad look like?
If I am a little monster maybe I should snack on the family cat!
(Kid 1, looking like a hairy blue monster, but same hat, with pouting jaw, a few sharp teeth protruding, a cat’s tale sticking out. Kid 2 looking nervously sideways at Kid 1.)
What if my whole family are monsters?
(Everybody a monster, with wide mouths, trying to eat each other, or the candles, or family dog.)
Christmas would be something else!
Maybe the neighbours should worry.
(Kid 1, blue monster, trick or treat bag in one hand, pumpkin beside him. Same expression as with cat’s tail, only this time it is the neighbour’s ankles and feet (pants and shoes/thongs still on). Kid 2 startled.)
Mum often calls me a cheeky monkey.
(Kid 2 talking. Kid 1 still a monster with feet coming out of mouth. Both kids staring ahead blankly.)
Would I be a chimp?
(Kid one still a monster. Kid 2 is a chimp/boy shaving monkey hair off.)
Or an orang-utan?
Would Mum be a baboon?
(Kid 1/blue monster standing there. Kid 2 now an orang-utan. Mum behind him baboon.)
Then again, she always says, my sister is as a mad as a rattlesnake!
(Orang-utan leaping with fright into startled blue monster’s arms, as snake with pigtails is where he was standing.)
Calm down, will you? Don’t be an ass.
(Kid 1/blue monster, complaining. Kid 2 now a startled ass.)
Honestly! A rattlesnake? Next thing you’ll be saying I’m a bunyip!
(Kid 1 a bunyip – mythical Australian being made up of many marsupial parts.. Bushman’s feet in his mouth. Swag and billy on ground. Kid 2/ass looking ahead, deadpan.)
My dad calls you a hairy little wombat.
(Kid one/bunyip mouth open, about to eat Kid 2, now a wombat.)
Actually, my teacher is always telling me: “You belong on Mars.”
(Kid 1 mouth still open, startled eyes, Kid 2 an alien with tentacles, and many eyes, mouth much bigger, about to consume Kid 1.)
Well, your brother says you’re a giant pain.
(Kid 1/monster, deadpan, Kid 2, so big we can only see 1/5th of him. Pink, inflamed skin, big eye, grumpy mouth, blob with spikes)
(Kid 2/blob, talking, deadpan. Kid 1 a squid.)
(Kid 1 a clown. Kid 2 a dung beetle.)
(Kid 1 had a walrus head. Kid 2 is open mouthed, repulsed, breathing grey puff of air.)
(Walrus head/Kid 1 and fart breath, Kid 2, rolling around laughing.)
That was the best!
(Both normal, smiling/sighing, leaning on each other as they wipe away tears.)
What a pair of galahs…
(Two galahs walking/waddling off to right of frame.)