Day 142: Bacon Goes With Everything!

Bacon Goes With Everything!
by
Matt Zurbo

 

The black sheep had a cunning plan.
(Black sheep looking slyly at reader.)

It was due to be stew, but had learned voodoo,
so boiled and stirred a magic broth.
and convinced everyone that bacon goes with everything.
(Black sheep, looking dodgy as it stirs a pot, while holding a voodoo book.)

“Hey!” said the pigs. “Bacon is made from us!”
(Four pigs, poking started heads into the air. One has a black patch around its eye.)

But it was too late. People were eating bacon with eggs.
(Farmer and kids eating breakfast. Sheep and three pigs, including eye-patch pig, watching from window.)

With fish and chips!
(Father and son eating fish and chips as three living fish run away on tail-fins as if they were little legs. Black sheep amused. Two pigs covering their eyes.)

With deep fried peanut-butter-and-jam sandwiches.
(Elvis eating. Patch pig and black sheep watching.)
“Yuck!” said a pig.
“I know! Revolting! But better you than me,” the black sheep said.

Soon, there was only one pig left!
(Farmer, fingers clawed, licking lips, coming for last pig – with eye patch. Pig scared, pointing to duck.)
“Please! Don’t eat me. Eat… eat… eat that duck over there!” it said.
“Hey!” protested the duck.

“Or that cow…!”
“Mhrooorh?” said the cow.
(Pig pointing. Cow startled.)

“Even a chicken. Mmm, chicken…!” said the pig.
“B-kawk!” squawked the chook.

“I dunno. I just have a craving for bacon,” said the farmer. “It goes with everything, they say.”
(Farmer, contemplating.)

“Even gravel?” said the pig.
(Pig putting gravel in the farmer’s bacon sandwich.)
“Sure.”

“What about heavy metal music?”
(Farmer dangling bacon so it drops into his mouth, while heavy metal band plays super loud, blowing his hair back.)
“You bet!”

“A kick up the bum?”
(Pig kicking farmer up the bum. Farmer flying through the air, but still holding/about to bite bacon sandwich.)
“Delicious!”

The black sheep thought it was hilarious! “My spell can’t be broken!” it laughed.
(Dusk, pig walking away, dejected. Sheep rolling around with laughter.)

The next day the farmer came to get the last pig.
“Wait!” said the pig. “I know what bacon doesn’t go with!”
“What’s that?” asked the farmer.

“Pouts and puppy eyes,” said the pig.
(Pig looking sad/cute right at farmer.)
“Awww…” said the farmer.

“Hey, that’s cheating!” protested the black sheep. “The farmer has to eat something!”
But the pig was busy reading the Black Sheep’s voodoo book.
“Wow, it said. “I just learned how to throw my voice.”
(Sheep pointing in protest. Pig reading Voodoo book, as farmer walks way, hands still clenched.)

The black sheep went to say So what? But a different sound came out.
“Oink!”
(Sheep still pointing, but startled expression of face, as OINK! Appears above it. Pig in background, hoof over mouth, throwing its voice.)

“Oink, oink!”
(Farmer turning around as sheep looks super angry, but only two more OINK, OINKs come out)

“Oink, oink, oink!”
(Sheep looking frightened, calling as it runs away, but three more OINKS coming from it. Farmer, fingers clenched, following sheep.)

That night everybody was happy. Except the black sheep.
(Pig sleeping outside window, content, as farmer eats.)

 

The End.   

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