Day 187: Bedazoink!

Matt Zurbo


Dad, Morgan and Felix were walking down the street.
“Look, there goes a truck!” Felix said.
“No, that’s a ute!” Dad protested.
(He seemed angry.)

“Why are you upset?” Morgan asked.
“Because everybody is speaking American!”
(Felix and Morgan looking at Dad blankly.)

“We used to say ‘Grouse!’ or ‘Bonza’, but now we say ‘Awesome’ just because people say it on overseas television.”
(Dad waving his arms, Felix and Morgan still looking at him blankly.)

“But we’ve got to have new things to say, Dad,” Felix said.
Hmm. (Felix and Dad deep in thought.)
“I know,” Morgan shouted. “I love America, but if they can make up new words, why can’t we?”
“Haha! That’s cool!” Felix said.

“No, that’s… Bedazoink!” Morgan announced.

“Dad, Dad! You’re bedazoink!” they cried.
“Huh?” said Dad.
“What does it mean, though?” Dad asked.

“Well, there’s cool, and there’s bedazoinkingly cool!” Morgan said.
“Something so cool no real word is cool enough!”
“Like super, duper, duperly cool.”
“But bedazoinkingly cooler!”
Felix and Morgan laughed.

“Oh,” Dad said.
(He looked around.)

“There is a bedazoinking car.”
(Felix and Morgan face-palmed.)
“No, Dad, that’s just a car,” Morgan moaned.

“But, look at that skateboard!” Felix pointed.
(Skateboard with small hotrod motor, ridden by a bedazoink dude with a sun and drags stripes painted on his helmet)

Felix and Morgan used the word lots in the playground.
(Doing tricks on the monkey bars)

(Standing wobbly on each other’s shoulders)

(Taking an Aussie Rules screamer!)

All the bedazoink kids were too bedazoink to use such a long word, though. Casual as, they (pointed their finger when they liked something, and) said: “Hey, that’s Zoink!

“We’re a HIT!” Felix shouted.
But Morgan thought – Why stop there? What rhymes with ‘hit’?
“No,” she smiled “We’re a BANANA SPLIT!”
(Felix and Morgan goggled their eyes at each other. Then burst out laughing!)

Inventing new words was FUN! Sorry – was ZOINK!
(Double page spread)
Hanging out = Ned Kelly was hung = to Ned!
Wombats laze – “Let’s Womb!” It was also a good word for relax. “Hey, Womb, moit!”
The sun makes you squint. A good day = SQUINTY!
Motor munch = takeaway food.
Wodger = bit of a goose.

“WAIT!” Dad cried. “Are other people using your words?”
“Haha! Park your bum in an eskie, Dad,” Felix smiled.
“Yeah, eskie, Dad,” Morgan agreed. “Womb a little.”
“Huh?” said Dad.
(Felix and Morgan laughed lots as Dad looks at his bum!)

“Ice is in an eskie. Park your bottom on ice,” Felix said.
“Chill out, Dad, but said in Chunder!” Morgan cheered!

“In where!? What’s Chunder!?” Dad protested.
(Dad, looking baffled.)

“Australia = Down Under – Down Under sounds like Chunder. Chunder means vomit,” Felix explained. “It’s a very Australian name for Australia – because it doesn’t take itself seriously!”
(Felix walking with Dad. Dad is hunched, baffled, Felix is sure, is arms around Dad’s shoulder as he explains.)

“The word ‘chunder’ started on the convict ships,” Morgan said.
(Morgan standing on a wooden apple box, using a fly swatter as a pointer, to a portable cream, with the image of a convict ship on it. Dad watching, confused, hand on chin.)

Most of the passengers were locked up below deck. To get air they had to stick their heads out the portals. So, when a sailor on deck threw-up over the side, he yelled: “Watch under!” That got shortened, by the man with a mouth full of vomit, to be said quicker: “Chunder!”
(Image of deckhand/Felix, throwing up over side of convict ship, convict/Dad below, head out of small window, arm out, shielding himself)

“But there are millions of people in this country! Is anybody else using your words?” Dad insisted.
“A few zoink kids in the play yard, but not really,” said Felix.
“So what?” Morgan added.

“I dunno, Dad. It’s strange,” Felix said. “Now, when I hear other kids saying ‘Mom’ instead of ‘Mum’, and ‘douche’, and call a toilet a ‘bathroom’, I get kinda bullant!”
(Angry looking bullant)

“I mean, real Aussies would never lyrebird. We’re honest. A ute is not a truck. A dunny is a dunny.”
(Felix explaining.)

“Are you midday suns, mate?” Dad protested. “Don’t lemon-face if they’re baggy pants! Just kooka. Bee’s hammock, cuz.”
Midday suns = crazy, lemon-face = bitter, baggy pants = clowns, kooka = kookaburra = laugh, bee’s hammock = be relaxed, cuz = friend.
(Dad smiling, using bbq tongs to point to words on the portable screen. Felix still hands clenched in anger, staring at spot ahead.)

“See what I did there?” Dad winked.
“Dad, you’re so… global warming!” moaned Morgan.
“Let’s banana…!” Felix shouted.
(Dad winking, thumbs out, kids happily running off to do stuff)

And Dad was bedazoinkingly proud his kids were chilled out enough, no – eski enough – to not simply lyrebird another country, but instead reclaim Chunder!

“So zoink,” he sighed, and everybody was chappy (happy!).


Dog’s Bum. (The End.)


(Bleeder page of real words, their Chunder replacements, and suitable image.)

Dad = Dag

Mum = Boss

Happy = laugh = kookaburra = Kooka

Really good = Deadly

Chilled out = Eski

Douche = drongo = Bongo

Hang out = Ned

Angry = Red Ant

Amazingly great/super cool = bedazoink = Zoink

Toilet = Pooper

Australia = Down Under = Chunder = Vomit



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