Day 4: Sun, Moon, Wombat!

Sun, Moon, Wombat!
by
Matt Zurbo

Once upon a time…

(Wombat walking through dusk bush…)

There was a talk show…

(Wombat wearing suit walks onto modest stage setting for tonight show. Grass for flooring, a few square poos in it. Thin tree trunks for lighting.)

Wombat:
Hi everyone! Wow, do we have a great show for you today….! And night!! Why not bring both our guests out at once?

IT’S THE MOON!

(full moon dropping from above, smiling)

AND THE SUN!

(Sun rising from behind compacted leaf couch, smiling, but also a bit annoyed. Corner of couch is now on fire)

Sun:
Why did you mention Moon first?

Moon:
Oh-ho, here we go…

Wombat:
Sorry, did I miss something…?

Sun:
Well. I’m the sun! You could fit 64,000,000 moons into me, or 1,000,000 Earths! My light travels at 300,000kms per SECOND! Yet you mentioned the Moon first.”

Moon:
I have craters. Craters are cool.

Audience:
Hahaha!

Sun:
Yeah, well I provide heat that gives life! At my centre I’m 15,000,000 degrees centigrade! Wow! That’s hot!
(Sun shining, plants and animals all around it)

Moon:
I give the warmth of romance…

Audience:
Awww….
(Two ringtail possums holding hands upside down by moonlight)

(Sun pouting in anger, setting couch on fire, while wombat runs to couch with fire hydrant, and moon kicks back on its couch, grinning.)

Sun:
Okay! You’re just a dead rock!

Moon:
Some say I’m made of cheese! Besides, you’re a ball of burning liquid gasses.

Sun:
What’s wrong with that?

Moon:
Oh, nothing… As long as nobody farts…

Wombat:
Hahaha! … Sorry.

Wombat:
Moon, is it true people have walked on you?

Moon:
Nine times! (hand shielding side of mouth, whispering) If a rocket got even half way to Sun, it would melt.

Sun looking dejected. Not saying anything.

Moon (leaning over, whispering):
Nine…!

Sun:
Fft! In Greek mythology a God pulled me across the sky each day in his blazing chariot! And in Aztec folk law, I am both a dancing woman and the eye of God! And in ancient Irish relig-

(Helios in chariot pulling blazing sun across heavens, other Greek gods in background/below)

Moon:
They write the songs about me.
(Cat and fiddle at Moon’s feet, cow jumping over both of them, words to the rhyme trailing behind, musical notes from the fiddle.)

Moon:
And books! People don’t brag; “I love you to the SUN and back!”

Sun:
Okay, that’s a great book. I’ll give you that.

But I am alive! I’ll keep growing until I consume Venus, Mercury, even the Earth and you!

Moon:
Not for another billion years. So what?

Sun:
Well, I am made up of every colour there is! They burn so bright, all you can see is white!

Wombat:
Wow. I did not know that.

Moon:
My silver is… sexy!

Audience:
Hahaha!

Sun:
Silver!? You only reflect my light! Without me, you would just be a chunk of rock in the dark!

Moon:
Oh, you think so, do you?

Sun:
Woh! No, wait…!

Moon: Haha!
(Moon standing in front of sitting Sun)

Wombat:
What’s going on, Moon?

Sun:
Wait! Wait! Me day, you night!

Moon (to Wombat)
I like to do this once a year, cross Sun’s orbit, and…

ECLIPSE!

(Double page spread of Moon black/red, in front of sun, slight halo of light, everything else dark. Wombat wearing a head torch.)

Sun:
Not fair! Not fair! I am the centre of everything! You all spin around me!
(Sun, shouting, pushing past other side of Moon, who is looking a bit manhandled)

Earth (Sunnies and cork hat):
Hey, ease up, Sun…
Wombat:
Look folks, it’s planet Earth!

Audience:
Clap, clap, clap…!

Earth:
Please, mate. No titles. Just Earth.

Earth:
Sun, yeah, the moon revolves around me, but doesn’t actually spin. No-one has ever seen its dark side.

Moon (fingers crossed):
There are waterslides there! True!

Earth:
And us planets spin around you, Sun, BUT, you revolve around the Milky Way galaxy, which revolves around all the other galaxies, in an ever-expanding universe…

Earth:
Mountains, planets, suns, everything moves. That’s life.
(Everybody except Earth a little dumbfounded, rabbit-in-headlights look.)

Moon:
Whoa… Deep.

(Wombat pushing Earth ‘off stage’)

Earth (over ‘shoulder’):
So don’t get too full of yourself.

Wombat:
Okay, okay, thank you Earth! You’re not due on the show until tomorrow… That is one full spin of yourself! 24 hours!

Wombat:
So, Sun, you provide the warmth and light to give us life, (thanks for the grass to eat!) and Moon, your gravity gives us tides, and you inspire imagination and dreams – and help me find my food at night!

Moon:
Even though I’m one trillion-squillion times smaller than Sun!

Sun:
Listen you…!
(Sun and Moon gripping and pulling at each other’s faces, Moon smiling, Sun angry, Wombat, eyes just in from bellow them, trying to break it up)

FWEEEET!
(Wombat, two fingers in mouth, whistling)

Wombat:
Next up, we have CLOUDS!

Sun:
Hey, hey!

Moon:
No, wait!

Wombat:
Thank you and see you all tomorrow day/night!
(Sun in sky, almost entirely blocked by clouds, a ray or two coming through, same for setting moon. Wombat on all fours, walking off grassy set)

The End.

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