The Fartiest Book in the History of Fart Books.
FART! Welcome to Fart City!
(First page just a giant sound effect: FART! And a few fart cloud corners)
I’m Freddy, Freddy Fart, of course! (Toot!) I’ll be your guide.
(Freddy farting, waving hello. Passing dog recoiling, farting, too.)
Right! Let’s go!
(Freddy making a welcoming forward gesture, but his is flying, bum slightly up, driven by a series of his fart clouds.)
Feet are for squares!
Hi Wendy Wind! Hello Mr Beans!
(Freddy is fart flying through city, waving to other people fart flying here and there, including skate-dude, holding skateboard under arm as he flies, and school teacher, with glasses on, and little girl with curls holding a rag doll.)
Oh, NO! Nobody likes Bully Boy Bad Bum!
(Bully blowing super big, dark fart cloud into Freddy’s path.)
It can get pretty smoggy during peak hour.
(Everybody fart-flying every which way through grey air, with gas masks on.)
I love the country! Just smell the fresh air!
(Freddy, mask by side, standing on grass under a tree, farting, but inhaling, and smiling, too.)
(Freddy in middle of frame looking startled, surrounded by animal rears, cow’s, horse’s, rooster’s. wombat’s, kookaburra’s, pigs, farmer’s, dog’s, all farting towards him.)
What’s this!? A new kid on the block? Welcome to Fart City!
(Kids, including Freddy, in a circle, bent over, farting a cloud that shoots new kid, in middle, up into the air.)
He thinks he can fart better than me?
(New kid standing like a gunfighter, farting. Freddy walking towards him, rolling up sleeve, farting.)
Zip, pop, whiz, zoink, vroip, double vroip, pew, blech…
(Freddy and new kid, opposite each other, shooting up into the air, a series of fart explosions under each one of them.)
(Freddy standing alone, looking embarrassed, arm reaching around back of pants.)
I think I did poo.
Here comes the food!
(Giant can of beans being lowered by helicopter, giant cans of beans in cattle carriages of train, bean truck, truck drive standing out of it, farting.)
Beans for breakfast!
(Freddy, smiling, scooping huge spoon of beans into mouth, farting! Cat behind him, being blown away.)
Beans for lunch!
(Freddy and two other happy kids eating beans, smiling and farting.)
(Freddy at table with family. Everybody slightly elevated from their seats as they smile and eat beans, the big can in the middle is also sightly elevated.)
We even brush our teeth with them!
(Freddy, can of beans on bathroom sink, brushing teeth with beans, farting so his sister is repelled.)
Look out! It’s our public holiday: Farty February!
(People on street puffing cheeks as they try extra hard to fart. Some have bum-blowing-wind posters or t-shirts.)
One month a year we-
(Freddy farting on a person who is ridged with a salute to a bum farting flag, but is being tilted by his fart. There is so much cloud it covers the rest of what Freddy was saying.)
Now let’s start our story! Once upo-
(Wendy Wind and others farting so even more clouds, covering even more of what Freddy was saying.)
Our story begins wi-
(More farting, taking up over half the page, and he rest of the text. Freddy still farting, but looking a bit stressed. We can’t see a lot of him because of all the fart clouds and sound effects.)
(Can only make out his face, hair being blown sideways, everything else is fart clouds and sound effects.)
(Just his mouth is showing)
(Three pages of no text, just clouds and fart sound effects, maybe a hat blowing across page, and the cat.)
Put a cork in it!
(Final image of Freddy and others floating, bloated like balloons, with corks in the bums.)
(Little spider farting, blowing a few of the letters over.)