23 Things To Blame Your Fart On – A Counting Book
by
Matt Zurbo
Farts are pretty grouse! Weirdly, though, not everybody likes them. It’s not your fault, people are strange.
So here are 23 things to blame your fart on.
Outdoors? No problem!
Casually say…; “A squeaky tree!”
Wildlife.
“Hear that? A koala!”
“Noisy frog.”
“A sick cricket.”
A bird.
“Wow! Kookaburras fart?”
If it’s loud; “Barge ship coming through!” (Make sure you’re close to water.)
A passing truck.
“Must be carrying rotten eggs…”
Ninjas.
“Hear that? They could be about to attack…!”
Indoors? A mouse.
The cooking. (Only works with Dad.)
“Stop burning the broccoli, Dad!”
“Rusty door hinges!”
Whoever is sleeping.
“Grandad…!”
Television. Surprised look, point to screen… “That actor farted!”
Loose floorboards.
Your baby sister. “Maggie…!”
Works indoors or out.
Squeaky farts? Too easy: “…A mosquito!”
Silent farts.
If you see someone noticing it, speak up first; “Can you smell a dead rat?”
Your accuser. “I bet it was you!”
It is perfectly acceptable to panic and blame the first thing you see.
“Hey, my homework farted!”
If there is nothing to blame, no worries.
“A ghost!”
“Gosh! A fart fairy!”
Though this one will take some explaining.
“I can’t believe you haven’t heard of them! Once upon a time there was a Kingdom of…”
If all else fails, just tell off your bottom; “Hey, what do you think you’re doing!?”
Then turn to whoever else is in the room; “I’m sorry, it just won’t listen to me!”
Never concede defeat!
“I swear, it was the wind!”
(Kid turning to look over shoulder at his own bum, cloud of fart coming out.)
The End
365 kids books in 365 days 