Day 259: Where Did All the Humans Go?

Where Did All The Humans Go?
by
Matt Zurbo

 

(A Kid Cockroach is kicking along a post-apoplectic street, green growing over grey ruins. It is slurping from a frozen drink cup, and has reverse baseball cap on.)

“Ah, Son! Just in time for your history lesson.”
“Awwww, Dad….!” 
(Kid Cockroach walking into house via wall/window. Bigger, father cockroach, human size inside)

“So,” Dad said, “How did the dinosaurs-“
(Kid Cockroach rolling his eyes, drawing on Dads blueprint of Dinosaurs and meteors)
“Boingo! We all know they became extinct when a giant meteor hit, Dad!” 

“But what about those apey things that ruled the Earth after the dinosaurs? Where did they go?”
(Son asking, throwing empty drink cup over shoulder)

“Ahh. Humans!” Dad said. “Well, they started off pretty well, coming down from the trees and all.”
(Blueprint of chimp evolution to man, with suit on, to Main Kid, reverse baseball cap, like son cockroach, picking his nose.)
“Sheesh! I know all this, Dad…”

Then they started getting all this STUFF they didn’t need!
(Blueprint of Main Kid with shopping trolley full of televisions, and wifi pizzas, and pogo sticks)

And making such a mess they couldn’t breath!
(Main Kid standing in middle of overflowing bins, cars clouds of exhaust, people farting)

“And they became extinct!” Dad said.
(All six arms out wide, dozens of other kid cockroaches poking their heads our from everywhere)

“So what could have the humans done to save themselves, Dad?”
(Kid cockroach, on ceiling, scratching head.)

“They could have grown their own food!”
(All images in this sequence feature Main Kid and Girl Kid.)

“Used scooters instead of cars! Or kite skateboards, like us!

Brought less STUFF!
(Two human kids side-by-side. One with widgets, gidjits, motorised water pistols, mechanical skateboard, virtual reality helmet, gloves, and goggles on. Main Kid with yoyo)

Looked after wildlife better
(Main Kid and Girl Kid watching man-made possum houses on top of porch, wombat with bandage on sitting next to him, cat unhappy in a cage, bird splashing freely in bird bath)

Used solar power more.
(Suitable, funny images of Main Kid and Girl Kid.) 

Planted trees!

Invented ways to not pollute…

Recycled lots!

“And littered plastic far, far less!” Dad exclaimed.
(Kid cockroach looking wide-eyed at reader, one eyeball staring down at empty ice drink cup at its feet)

“Oh.”
(Cockroach Kid going crazy, using all six legs to put rubbish in bin and plant trees.)

“And after humans, as we all know, bees ruled the Earth until-“
“They were eaten by jellyfish!”
(Dad pointing to huge holograms of bees and jellyfish.Kid cockroach, excited, interrupting.)   

“Now it’s our turn. So don’t litter! We want to last longer than the humans did!” Dad said.
“That’s a lot to think about Dad…”
(Kid Cockroach looking startled/overwhelmed)

“Only joking! Humans were really eaten by aliens!” laughed Dad.
(Dad, laughing, several of his hands on his belly, one reassuringly on Kid cockroach’s shoulder)

“I never know what to think when you talk, Dad!”
“Now go play with your brothers and sisters, Son.”
(Kid Cockroach, skateboard in hand, giving Dad Cockroach a suss look, as Dad Cockroach pushes him out the door. Hundreds of other cockroaches outside, playing.)

(Dad Cockroach kicking back, looking at diagram of humans.)

 
The End…