Day 285: The Lying Magician

The Lying Magician
Matt Zurbo


Hello, everybody! I’m Zako the Greatest! The world famous magician!
(Kid dressed as magician, clothes all slightly too big, marching onto stage, name tag of Alan, card or two falling out of his sleeves, rabbit crawling out of his pants leg.)

I see there’s an amazing crowd!
(Three bored kids in otherwise empty seats. Rabbit hoping away.)

For my first trick… Wow! A rabbit!
(Kid looking startled as pulls a rat from his hat.)

(Kid looking intently at hat on small table.)

See! A rabbit!
(Kid puling angry lion out of hat. Seagulls flying out of neck of jacket.)

I swear! I’m sawing her in half!
(Woman’s head poking out of top half of box. Other half of box has a man’s legs with worker’s boots on. Lion in background, chasing one of the kids from the audience. Seagull chasing rat.)

Look! I’m juggling invisible balls!
(Kid pretend-juggling. Behind him, lion is eating audience kid’s hat while kid is up a pole, and woman is getting out of her half of the box, and other half has snoring coming from it. Now three rats are chasing the one seagull.)

I meant that!
(Another seagull coming out from sleeve, knocking hat over eyes, as, blind and off balance, he accidentally turns woman from sawing trick into a startled pig. Four people in background, standing in curtained booth, with audience-facing side open. Rat on angry lion’s head, that is swiping at seagulls.)

And now, watch me turn these people into a goldfish!
(Magician waving hand at three or four people peering around back edge of curtained booth, now empty save for a fish bowl with a crab in it.)

I swear, there’s nothing up my sleeve!
(Lots of seagulls flying from sleeve. Hat falling off.)
Wow! Doves!

Another rabbit!
(Dragon coming our of hat on floor, trying to eat startled seagulls, people from behind booth running. Pig eating kid’s pants. Bottom half of saw box – man’s legs, running into lion, that is still swiping at rat on head.)

Watch me make this lady levitate!
(We can see mirror in front of box lady is lying on. Lion is startled by it’s reflection. Rats are riding squawking seagulls. Audience members are ducking dragon, that is flying through stage wall to freedom, pig is looking at lots of butterflies coming from hat on ground.)

Don’t worry, it’s all under control…!
(Kid looking out of hole in wall dragon flew through, sound effects: AAAGGGHHH, OH NO! ROAR! PLEASE! CRASH! SMASH! HONK! TINKLE! ROAR! NO, NO! AAAGGGHHH!)

That is NOT a fire truck.
(Kid walking away from hole in wall, coat tails on fire. Seagulls, rats, butterflies everywhere. Kookaburras flying and goannas running out of hat.)

There are no weak links in these chains!
(Kid tied in chains, some held to next link by elastic bands. Burning jacket on ground. Fire on curtains. Audience running everywhere. Rats now riding lion. Goannas eating butterflies. Chaos.)

I’ll be out in a second. This is easy!
(Kid lying on ground, trying to wiggle out of chains. Rats and seagulls sitting on him. Rabbits finally pouring out of hat.)

I asked them to come!
(Clowns rushing in through hole with hose, putting out fire. One using his squirting flower to put out flame on lion’s tail. Lion yelping as tail is on fire. Kookaburras laughing. Audience hiding under magician’s table. Pig curled up and sleeping, crab pinching rat’s tail, seagull swimming in fish bowl, rabbits everywhere, hat now spewing out rubber balls, etc… Kid is standing in chains, but kookaburra is pecking lock free. Legs and bottom half of saw box running into things.)

There’s no need to panic! Nothing to see! All a part of the show!
(Dragon poking head through hole in wall, breathing fire. Everybody and thing ducking, except kid, who is tilting with force of flames, all his cards on fire.)

Watch, while I make them all disappear!
(Kid holding hands/wand high above head, shirt torn, one sleeve missing, one pants leg eaten, one side of face singed, etc… Behind him, police are chasing everybody and thing off stage.)

I do this every show.
(Kid on knees, furiously hammering nails into two small boards over hat mouth.)

That went well…
(Kid sitting, collapsed on stage floor. Very little left of burnt, torn, soot-covered suit. Curtains burned, lighting fallen, etc. One seagull left, trying to eat crab, hat with nailed boards on its side.)



The End



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