A Fairy Tale Gone Wrong
by
Matt Zurbo
River ate some magic beans,
but not the magic she wanted.
the second they went down,
her bottom sort of opened!
She pulled a face or three,
then let loose a fart,
so mighty, oh so rank,
its smell was off the chart!
Then, every day,
at exactly 5 past 4,
the time she ate those beans,
her bum began to roar!
As the moment approached,
nearer to 3.55,
all River’s friends began,
running for their lives.
In time, depending on the wind,
and a quick change of clothes,
River’s friends would then drift back,
cautiously holding their nose.
Soon a preacher started up;
“That smell does not belong!
Evil, evil, evil!”
he ranted all day long.
A lot of people joined him,
even if not knowing why.
He ranted, so they raged,
an angry mob on the fly.
Eventually poor, cursed River,
found a friend in a garbage can,
the garbo’s son always smelled
as much as his old man.
You don’t mind me, I don’t mind you,”
the boy thoughtfully pondered.
“Let’s achieve great things!”
And just like that, they bonded.
First they made doubly sure,
to be near the mean preacher,
when 4.05 came around,
to prove he was a stinker!
Then they both set about
turning River’s curse around!
Finding whoever lost the beans,
that little River found.
They asked a shadow, then a ghoul,
who pointed them to a fairy,
who showed them a beanstalk,
which climbing was very scary.
They were whispered to by a fox,
scrambled over cloud rocks,
as 4.05 passed,
with a fart that rotted socks!
Finally, they met a giant,
or at least that’s what he said.
A small giant, just their size,
he pointed to his head.
“Yes, the beans were mine!”
he happily confessed.
“What a gift you got!!
Those beans were Heaven sent.”
“Up here a fart is golden.
Each one has its owner’s mark.
A trumpet squeak, a big bass drum,
A long, flat, raspy skid mark!”
“We talk with them, and sing songs,
up and down the clouds,
a really big, wet stinker,
makes its owner proud!”
“Best of all!” he gloated,
“by a country mile;
If you light a match…
BOOM!” he gave a smile.
The garbo’s boy explained a plan,
to River with delight,
so her farts might be
seen in a better light.
Next time a storm brewed,
and big clouds blotted the sun,
River climbed the beanstalk,
promising much fun.
Everyone gathered,
no idea what to expect.
Looking up at a sky,
about to make them wet.
“Okay, River said,”
as the clock ticked 4.04,
and the garbo’s boy lit a match,
where the eagles sore.
Up in the land of giants,
River’s fart went BOOM!
Which set of every giant’s
stinky bottom perfume!
Explosion after explosion,
of every shape and size,
down on the ground it seemed,
lightening filled the skies.
It BOOMED and it RUMMBLED!
It ROARED and shook the ground!
A spectacular never seen,
sights never before found.
And, running hard through
the tumble and flash,
River and the garbo’s boy,
riding the big crash.
Behind them, it rained giants,
oh, what a mighty sight!
each one’s bottom burning,
laughing with delight.
Flatulence being their thing,
this was a brilliant joke!
“If you can’t laugh at your farts,
you’re spiritually broke!”
But, the people on the ground,
could not escape their fears,
soon enough conflict broke out,
chaos far and near.
Battle near and far,
lightening everywhere!
A curse girl, a garbo’s child,
drama in the air.
“Are you all mad? The boy shouted,
so loud all battle stopped.
“Different cultures do different things,
farts are not sticks an rocks!”
Soon, everybody stopped,
feeling kind of silly,
that such a brilliant show,
put them in such a tizzy.
Sure enough, the only sound,
that anybody heard,
was a cursed girl giggling,
that they were so absurd.
Eventually, they laughed, too,
the giants played a tune,
each and every one,
dancing under the moon.
River sat back and watched,
giants, garbo’s boys, friends, getting along,
and thanked the fates for a fairy tale,
that went oh so wrong…
The End
365 kids books in 365 days 