Hush, Little Ratbag
Hush little rugrat, don’t say a word.
(Close up. Kid, very annoyed expression, mouth covered by adult hand.)
Papa’s gunna buy you a mocking bird.
(Big bird, laughing snd pointing at humiliated kid.)
And if that mocking bird don’t sing
(Dad booting bird out of there.)
Papa’s gunna buy you a diamond ring.
(Dad, moth flying out of empty wallet, a barrel and suspenders instead of clothes are all he has left. He is handing over a ring.)
And if that diamond ring don’t shine…
(Kid, nose in air, nonchalantly throwing ring over shoulder. Panicked Dad, eyes goggled as he lunges to catch ring.)
Papa’s gunna buy you a case of lime.
(Dad righteously dumping a box of limes in front of kid.)
And if that case of lime ain’t sour,
Papa’s gunna build you a wonky tower.
(Kid, eating limes in top of wonky wooden tower Dad is building from bits and pieces.)
And if that wonky tower begins to fall,
(Kid falling from falling tower. Dad still next to tower with hammer and nail, looking horrified. We can just make out tower was built on a ledge.)
a whale’s gunna swallow you, limes and all.
(Kid, and limes, falling down cliff face into ocean/open whale mouth.)
And if Dad saves you from that whale,
(Dad, pouring pepper shaker over whale’s nose, who is sneezing kid out.)
On a pirate ship, you’ll set sail.
(Kid tumbling through air towards startled pirates on small rowboat.)
And if a sea god you become,
(Pirates on boat fighting giant Neptune, Greek God of the Sea. Neptune’s helmet falling off, about to land on kid, who is frantically rowing away in small lifeboat.)
Dad’s gunna make sure you have fun.
(Double page image. Kid wearing sea crown standing on giant crab, holding a trident, surrounded by a few pirates riding dolphins, mermaids and mermen, a few various fish pocking their heads out of the water. Dad, seaweed wig, shell helmet, snorkel and goggles, starfish on clothes, juggling abalone.)
And if your reign begins to fall,
Dad’s gunna be there when you call.
(Kid running from giant, snapping crab claw. Small lobster now has oversized crown on, pointing to kid. Dad waiting with open arms.)
Together you’ll ride on a billycart,
powered by beans and stinky farts.
And if And if that billycart hits an old goat,
(As described. Dad, horrified, hands over eyes as he flies through the air. Kid also flying through the air, hands crossed, shoulders hunched, very annoyed.)
Your gunna say:
“Hey Dad! What’s with all this stuff that doesn’t work? Are you trying to kill me, or something!?”
(Kid, on arse, shaking fist at Dad, who is running away as if on eggshells.)